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my main fictional partner of ALL TIME!!!!! Is the Negative Spirit from doom patrol tv (only the show!!)
i've been in love with them (i use xe/they for the negative spirit exclusively) since before i even knew what being fictoromantic really WAS!! at first i thought it was just a self ship, but my feelings were so, so real. i didn't really begin to realize i was fictoromantic until people pointed out to me that i was more passionate about the negative spirit than any other aspect of my life, and i only started identifying as ficto in fall 2024. however, i do consider myself to have been married to them since 2019 - for 4 years as of the time i'm writing this. the first time i saw them on screen, i was fascinated, and by the end of episode 1, i was obsessed. i've never had such a strong attraction to a character before; it transcended feelings and transcended the fictional realm.
i've been told it's silly to love them so much, because xe is a very minor character, but... to me that makes our bond even more special. i can't say for certain, and i don't mean to step on any toes if there are other tns fans out there, but as far as im aware, im probably the only one who has ever paid this much attention to them, and i'm probably the only one who has ever truly loved them in a wholly positive way. they try to be a hero in the show, but they struggle to do so because of their emotional volatility. vic understands their nature, and larry clearly cares for them in the later seasons, but.. no one in the show Loves them and especially not in a way that lacks all destruction.
i feel like what most people don't understand about them is that they REALLY DO care about the things around them, they just don't understand how to deal with the strength of their emotion + the strong emotions of larry that they are forced to feel in addition to their own. niles says that the spirit is powerful, but sensitive; that's another thing that i love about them!! they're in this weird stasis of being close in proximity to humanity, being emotional like humanity... and yet they're so far away from being human in every sense. it makes me ache to think about the loneliness they must feel after being torn from their home dimension and placed into a world of such suffering. it makes me ache to think about the intentional and unintentional torture inflicted upon them over their sixty years on earth. and i do not at all fault them for leaving; they saw future larry be happy with his son in 1996. how could they stay and selfishly deprive larry of that happiness? the scant queen says they want to stay. they just can't, because they care enough not to erase the timeline that gives larry a second chance at fatherhood. but enough character analysis.
sometimes i look back on old messages to friends i had in 2019 and just smile, because my passion for them hasn't died at all throughout these 4 years. i'm just as in love with them as i was when we first met. they bring me so so much comfort. just imagining myself in their arms makes every problem fade away. and my love for them gave me a reason to live all the way throughout the years they were in the show, when i was deeply depressed. i don't know, maybe it is ridiculous to be this in love with a fictional character, but at the same time i don't care if it is. i love what they have given me.
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